I believe my worst enemy is myself.
God is good. He is love. And He has the very best intentions for my life. This is true for each one of us. But I’ll let you in on my secret–I sure don’t live like it. If He’s so good, why do I force the good from my life and pursue an emotionally crippled existence? I push away His love, convinced I am the only exception to the truth He tells us regarding His intimate interest in the hearts of His people? And that my life, so broken and rife with disappointment and dashed dreams, is no longer able to revive.
I run from the dark spaces that tie me down, and yet it is those exact corners that call to me, to sit in my scared state of mind and heart and take a shovel to my soul and dig. To discover the downtrodden, the despairing skies of life and sit with them, umbrella snapped close at my side.I run from the dark spaces that tie me down, and yet it is those exact corners that call to me.… Click To Tweet
As such, to open my eyes to my surroundings and look for the little things that make life beautiful. And to keep lifting my lips in prayer for God to pry open my heart, because it’s been so singed over the years and scabbed over in apathy.
Have I embraced my past hopes, only to have them die a slow and very visible death? No. Everything has been released from my clinging fingers. It has been a raw and desolate season where I strained just to give air to my lungs, lift my heart to hear God’s promises. I have not been fit to write, and it has been a strange and strangling sensation.
In the ashes, I have lost all of myself. But that is where I find it is really true that this is where God meets me and begins to show Himself. You never quite understand that part of faith until it happens to you. I walk with a limp, but I lean into Him. I am letting Him rebuild me, with no expectations, and trusting He’ll rest me and turn on the light in my heart brighter than when the bulb first flickered.
I can only give each day its due, place one foot in front of the other and see to a day well done. I am still shaky, but God is giving me new shape.
Pease Lord, let it form magnificently.