It’s that effortless, always hopeful, always expanding kind of love that looks straight into the soul and says, “I am going to cover your heart with the best of mine. Over and over, continuously.”
That’s what I desire. But to tell the truth, for You, as You have shown me again and again the unending depths of Your ardor, I am afraid I come up failingly short at returning the favor.
I don’t know how to love You well. I don’t know how to love You. I’m sorry. I have wandered. I know how to love another human with all of my heart, a love that is patient and kind, that isn’t self-seeking or jealous. But Your love? It seems an impossible standard.
What is Your heart? Where I have been afraid or unwilling to go, what is the richness of Your life? How do You be what I am asking?“Return to Me,” You speak over me. I have drowned out this in a cacophony of noise that means nothing. @SRennAwake Click To Tweet
I have to trust You with the hardest things of my life, of my heart. I have to trust You are the Lord of my life, my Protector, my Provider. My Beloved. I have to believe You when You say You are working behind the scenes on my behalf, for my best. I have to believe when it hurts. And my God above and within me, pain pierces like a snap of bone right off the joint.
I am tired of hurting, but You tell me to hold on.
In terror, I trust in You.
I trust You to take care of my heart.
I trust You to give me the grace to choose You every day, moment by moment.
With the scared, selfish, prideful pieces that I hold to, refusing to release—teach me to love. Will You reach for me with wide arms? If I take that step, how fast will You encircle me in Your embrace, alight my eyes with Yours?
I am so tired of the fight, of looking away from You, turning to everything that does not matter. Refusing, while You stand with love dripping down Your heart.
Being obedient starts with handing over the ways I have wronged You, where I have deadened myself to seeing where I must be aligned. I am impressing no one, trying to be brave.
“Return to Me,” You speak over me. I have drowned out this in a cacophony of noise that means nothing.
Teach me how to love You well. Be patient and kind. Be careful when you pick me up from the floor when I fall, breathe life into my collapsing heart. Walk with me as I match stride with Yours. Love me. Keep loving me. Cover my heart with the best bits of Yours. Over and over. Continuously.
How I learn this love anew each day, mysterious and compelling. This will be safe and true.
… let us love one another, for love comes from God. -1 John 4:7