Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with Him, we will also live with Him. -2 Timothy 2:11
To truly surrender, what will it take of me? What will it ask of my soul, my will, my plans, my dreams? The things that thread my insides, what I know, all I crave and keep balled in my tiny fists—how can I let them go?
I’ve held on for so long. To the world that shaped me. To the people who swelled in my heart like plump raindrops down a drinking river. To the curve of Lake Michigan, my nesting place, my reservoir of inspiration and rest.
For a full year, I’ve fought the storm of my heart You stirred in my very dry, parched land. I’ve wandered the desert in search of home, my coveted Promised Land. And I have circled the edge of space unfamiliar, noting how nothing looks the same; no appeal lies in the layout.
I have been left alone in the wilderness, forced to face my heart and all its terribly broken pieces. And I have tried to tape it together, smooth as stone, just as solid.
But still I break, blinding me in pain as I fight against the hold You have on my heart. But still You hold me down, aware of how I hurt, tears that fall with mine, knowing this is for my good. For Your grace.But still I break, blinding me in pain as I fight against the hold You have on my heart. @SrennAwake Click To Tweet
Fall into Me, I seem to hear surrounding my mind, smoothing itself into my creases, those parched places that lay awake at night, tired and bruised and begging for reprieve.
If I can’t see straight, You must give me Your eyes. If I’m falling fast, You must brace my landing. If I am to lose myself, it’s You I must gain.
So slip off the bonds that break me down, strip my heart from all that’s collected in grime, the ugly stuff I never knew could fester so innocently in my soul. Pour me out, drain me dry. Do what it takes to refine me smooth as sapphire, new as a dawn that breaks beneath the sky. Let me die to the blood already crumbling up inside, die to the disgrace of my corroding humanity. May I live in truth and gladness, in a sweet surrender that sweeps my soul wide awake, real and relevant.
You can take this mess that is me and restore my world once more. You can grow this girl who now solely clings to You. You can sharpen my bones, breathe back into my lungs. You can make me whole and beautiful again.